Self Image - The Key to Presence.
by Roy Kim. rkim@changework.com

Copyright 1999 by Roy Kim.

One thing I notice about many NLP trainers is they talk alot about rapport
skills and how you can pace and lead a group of people yet they themselves
lack one key thing...presence.
This goes with many other people especially people in specialized fields
such as engineering, psychology, and medical.
What I found was that people in these fields spend most of their time
dis-associated and detached from dealing with people and part of the
reason they spend time in these pursuits and occupation are:
1) they are good in these task oriented fields.
2) they are not comfortable around people.

This discomfort with people from what I observe and have experienced
myself is THE DISCOMFORT WITH YOURSELF.
From what we know from psychology and NLP, people ARE self referential...
That is to say people use their own experiences as a measuring stick.
When a popular talk show psychologist writes a book about dating, they are
really writing about HOW TO DATE THEMSELVES.
Unless you are really skilled at modeling, you are only describing your
own viewpoint.
With that in mind, when your not comfortable around people...especially
those that you typecast, you are not comfortable with yourself.

 

This is known also as "Self Image" or "Self Esteem" which is how you view
or feel about yourself.

If your self image is low about yourself, you will tend to be
dis-associated when you meet new people or around people in general.
Your self talk would be something like...
He wouldn't like me. She is too good looking for someone like me.
I would probably bother him if I talk to them.

The first step to dealing with this is, to do a self worth inventory -
How do you feel when you say:...?
I'm awesome!!! I'm very desirable. I'm love myself.

If this doesn't feel quite right, then you need to change your own self
assessment.

Also, when you do this thought experiment, make sure your ASSOCIATED...not
dis-associated wondering what it feels like. Be there and FEEL
IT...whether it's comfortable or not.

There are several ways to change this, yet the best ways are the

simplest...USE AFFIRMATIONS.

ESPECIALLY use the affirmations you feel the least comfortable with.

Say them several times a night until the feelings subside.
Say it POWERFULLY and CONGRUENTLY...really mean it when you say it.

Take your time and notice how you feel about yourself.
The strange thing is, your attitudes and feelings related to people will
start to change.

When your comfortable with yourself, you will be fully associated.
And the key to presence is BEING THERE FULLY ASSOCIATED.

Roy

 

rkim@changework.com

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